How do you say thank you to someone who saved your life? Who gave you the opportunity to have many more precious years to spend here; to spend with your husband, family, friends - to have a chance at someday becoming a mom? Saying thank you for the gift of life is not easy to put into words. The gratitude I feel to both my first donor, Taylor, and his family; as well as my second donor and her family is indescribable.
That being said, I sat down and gathered my thoughts and got the donor letter written. This is a somewhat controversial topic in the heart transplant world. There are people that say to write right away - the donor family needs to hear how grateful you are for their gift; and there are people that say not to write - that you have to remember the donor family is still grieving and it may be too hard for them or they may not want to hear from the recipient too soon. Everyone is different though, and sometimes it is too hard for the recipient to write as well. It's all part of the process.
For me, I tried to put myself in their shoes. If my mom's organs would have been donated, I would want to hear how it saved someone else's life or benefitted someone else. I'm sure it would be hard, and I don't know how early I would want to hear, but I would want to know the good that came from the passing. You see, the first several letters have to be very vague - I am able to say my name is Cassie, but not able to tell them my last name and am unable to tell them where I live or any identifying information; and their rules are the same until both parties agree to know more about the other. Right now, I know nothing more than my donor was a female, in her late teens. I don't know what state the heart came from, what happened, or anything about her or her family. I actually only know the information I do so that I could write a letter - they tell you so you know if you are writing to parents, siblings, a spouse, or children of the lost loved one. The letters then go through Intermountain Donor Services and through the social workers of the hospitals where her and I were. The social worker will call the family and let them know that there is a letter from the heart recipient, and they have the option of even opening it, or deciding they want it but it is too soon, or whatever they choose.
I decided I would much rather write the letter, and have it there for them to decide their next step. I would rather have it there too early and they don't have to even open it, then not write and have a family somewhere wondering why they haven't heard from the recipient of their loved one's organs. As I've made pretty clear, I can't explain how grateful I am to be here, and there is not a day that I don't thank God and my donor families for my miracles. I don't take things for granted. I take time to enjoy the simple things in life. Going through something like this not only once, but twice, puts a whole different perspective on life and what is important. I want them to know how much their gift means to me and that I will honor and take care of her heart, just as I did Taylor's.
Of course, I am anxious to hear back, but I am prepared to wait. I know it's early. It's just human nature to be curious. I have so many questions. I want to know about her. I want to know about her family. I want to know what happened. I want to know if she was an athlete like the doctors and therapists keep saying. The list goes on and on. I am so blessed to have the relationship I do with Taylor's family and to have gotten the response of acceptance and love immediately. They have been nothing but incredibly kind to me, and even when they found out that I needed a second transplant, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders when they understood and responded with love, prayers, and again, nothing but kindness. That is lucky, and I recognize how lucky it is. I don't take that relationship lightly and I absolutely don't take it for granted. I am so blessed to have them in my life. However, it doesn't always happen that way. I know of many people who never hear back, never learn anything more about their donor - and that is unfortunate, but it happens...and I have to be prepared for that. Until then, I continue to pray for both of my donor families every day, and they are constantly in my thoughts. I hope that when this family does decide to read my letter, it brings them even the slightest bit of healing and peace to know the gift they have given me.
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