Just a week ago, I was nannying for two little kids that I love like my own - just enjoying the feeling of summer coming and trying not to think of all that was still ahead of me to face. I had a particularly rough weekend right before, coming down with bronchitis and other flu-like symptoms that kicked my already hard side-effects into even higher gear. I usually try to stay as positive and upbeat about my journey to find another heart as possible, but that day it had all just been too much, and had been weighing on me all weekend. What 23 year old wife, sister, daughter, friend - anything - wants to lay around in bed feeling lousy and waiting for a perfect match that may become available in the coming months or even years. It was definitely a hard concept to accept that that was my new normal.
I posted on Sunday night that I was having a bit of a rough go, and so many of you were right there with positive thoughts, prayers, vibes, and encouraging words to lift me back up and remember there was a reason I was doing all of this! That I could do it! That with God next to me, Curtis as my rock, and all of you supporting me from behind, it was possible. On Sunday, you must have all flooded the heavens with prayers on my behalf. I know there are prayers going up in all walks of life, all over the world for me right now, and that in itself couldn't be any more humbling. To know there are SO many of you that are willing to lay your own problems aside, just to ask for help and guidance with my own. I truly can't thank you all enough for the enormous role you have played in this entire journey.
I continued to go about my day on Sunday and Monday. The doctors gave me a pager to carry with me at all times, and they would get ahold of me through that or my cell phone when they thought there could be a match. Well, I don't know if its the luck of the draw or what, but I had only had the pager for about a month, and it had gone off over ten times! Talk about really giving me a heart attack and making me need this transplant even more! :) Every single time it would go off, I would have this sense of panic, and then more of a boy who cried wolf attitude towards the dang thing. Every time, they were looking for a surgeon named Dr. Miller, and every time, I would explain that I am a patient waiting for a heart transplant, that they must have a wrong number. They'd apologize, and we'd be on our way. The funny thing was that I was getting pretty sick of it going off all the time and giving me these moments where I thought there was a heart, only to have someone say they have called the wrong number. I had a clinic appointment with the heart team early Wednesday morning scheduled to go over what had been going on in the last month or so, and more importantly - to get a new pager!
Tuesday night quickly turned into a blur, Both my husband and I had gotten home from work, and we were exhausted from the week before. We had been busy with yard work, spring cleaning and organizing in the house. We sat down for what felt like 5 minutes, turned on one of our favorite shows to just veg out for a bit, and then my phone rang. It said "IMC - Heart Clinic." Every time my phone would ring with that number, I would just get this quick burst of adrenaline, wondering - could this be it? I answered my phone, pretty much thinking it would be a after-hours automated phone call reminding me of my appointment in the morning. I was WRONG! They told me they couldn't give me much information as to keep the donor information as private as possible, but that I had an hour to get to the emergency room and checked into the Thoracic ICU. I was a mess - flying around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to gather things and think of what I would need. I wasn't prepared! I mean, I don't know how necessarily prepared you can be, as the call will come as a shock and at the most unexpected time no matter what. But here I was told a year to even two years of a wait, and less than a month and a half later, I was getting the call. It was all so surreal. What comes next is what I think is the hardest part. They have you admitted to ICU, and on paper, you'll be getting a heart transplant if all stays as a go; but there is no way to be certain until the surgeon sees the donor heart and determines it is a perfect match with his own eyes. So, we wait, and we wait, and we wait. Huge shout out to Kelsi, my sweet sister in law, who stopped everything and came right up to try to help calm my nerves and keep my mind busy on other things. Also to my Dad and Mary, who got the call and then again had to decide if they should come, or if there would be a chance of a false alarm. They got in the car in Twin Falls, and made it just about 5 minutes or so before the surgeon was coming to have me sign consent. Victoria, my oldest sister, who lives in Oregon, got the next available flight to SLC and was here before I woke up from surgery. Adrianna, my middle sister, was here just as fast as she could be after getting off of work, and my in-laws came quickly as well. Jason and Rossanne, the couple who I nanny for, also came up to see me before I went in for surgery. Thank you all again SO much for being there to keep my nerves at bay.
More about the call, emotions, and what has happened in the last week is coming soon! I sound like a broken record, but I can't thank you all enough for the prayers being sent up by so many of you! You are all who keeps me going!
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